I have never been good with hi tech. Even low tech is too high for me.
Considering that fact, I think I am pretty good on my laptop. I can write an email and read the news. I can even play a game or two as long as they aren’t too complicated. I can write this blog and even insert a photo when needed. I impress myself. But nobody else!
A few months ago I was having problems with my laptop. I called a specialist who came to my house. I told him my laptop wasn’t working properly. He took a look, not a long look, sighed rather loudly, and turned to me and said that my computer was fine, it was me that wasn’t working properly.
And then he said that would be $120. Really! He wanted money to call me stupid. I have been called that and more and never had to pay for it.
But I am smart enough to know I will never call that guy again.
And then there is my phone. I can use it to make calls. No problem. But answering it is more complicated. I never seem to get the swipe right. It can’t be working properly!
Or …….maybe I am stupid.
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I am sure you are wondering why I am telling you all this
Actually I am wondering why I am telling you all this.
But there is a reason. I want you to understand the predicament I found myself in when I wanted to go to the bathroom in our wonderful Japanese inspired minimalist hotel. Well, actually, to be a little more precise, I was already in the bathroom, and had done what I came in to do, so now I wanted to get rid of the evidence.
Every toilet should have a cistern, and this one did. But every cistern should have a handle or a button to push, and this one clearly didn’t. How was I supposed to flush?
All there was, was this……..
So now you understand my problem. What the hell is that? And why is it in the bathroom?
Where was minimalism when I needed it?
Now I really felt stupid. But I was consoled by the sight of the phone. It must be a helpline I thought, so I can’t be the only one in this predicament. But it was too embarrassing a situation to explain over the phone. And would google translation work anyway?
And then I realised that it was one of those amazing Japanese toilets that actually, how can I say this delicately, cleans your bum for you. I have encountered them before and find them rather wonderful. And they are simple – even I can work those. But this was something entirely more complicated.
There were so many buttons. And a screen with all sorts of numbers on it. It took a while, but I realised that three buttons were for different jets of water that could clean my bum, each one more generous in the area they showered than the last. It seems a little unnecessary. There is only one rather well-defined area that needs washing after all. But perhaps it is politely asking the size of my bum, which may well decide the amount of area that needs dousing. That’s rather personal, don’t you think, but thank goodness no one can see which button I choose!
But having done that, it wants me to select the temperature of the water it is about to squirt at me. This requires careful consideration, especially in Taiwan where they measure heat in centigrade. If I accidentally set it in Fahrenheit it could cause nasty problems and that would be a serious bummer!
Next there are two buttons for the drying process. The first gently bathes the area in question with hot air, and the second blasts cooler air at it to finish the job. It makes a change to have air blasted at my bum, rather than my bum blasting out air! Actually, all these settings remind me of a dish washer, but in this case, you don’t have to put your dishes in it. You just expose your dishes and press the buttons. But a dishwasher works really well, while this not so much. You are never really dry which you don’t realise until you pull up your underwear.
Wet patches are not a good look when leaving a bathroom.
It can’t be working properly!
Oh, by the way, I found the flush button. There were two of them! Of course there were! They were on top of the control panel. On the left. One button for a flush, a second button for an extra strong flush should I need it.
But I couldn’t control the heat.
They are working on that.
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